Wow, it’s really happening

January 11, 2015 | Filed under Guide dogs writing

Happy New Year to all who read this blog. Thanks for reading and letting me know how much these words are appreciated. Whenever I receive a message from one of my blog readers, I’m thrilled, so keep them coming.

No resolutions for this lady, just a continuation of doing the best I can now and in the future. 2015 has a lot of good things in store for me, including vacations and planning for community events and making presentations. Perhaps the most challenging and exciting of these is going back to Guiding Eyes for the Blind to train with a new dog. Yes, folks, it’s really happening – Verona is now 8 and is retiring. We have a party scheduled for her on February 13^th at my job and she is only working part-time now anyway. I’ve even been adjusting to my other mobility tool, Stick Stickley, aka, the white cane. For a temporary way of getting around, its fine, but I wouldn’t want it replacing working with a dog guide.

I do feel a little guilty about retiring Verona but I also know that guilt is unfounded and unrealistic and maybe even comes from doubting myself and the decision itself. One thing I’ve learned from this is that our animals rely on us to make these decisions for them. It’s part of the partnership and commitment of sharing our lives and trust. Whether it’s making the decision to let them go due to age or illness, or fostering or re-homing them, or retiring a working dog and relying on a younger, more active dog, we are charged with making the tough decisions and ultimately living with those decisions.

Much soul searching has been going on since late last year when I noticed Verona’s pace slowing, her hesitation going up and down steps, and her lack of stamina during the summer months. With some assistance from Guiding Eyes we did what we could to see if there was any possible way to increase her pace but in the end, we decided it was time to retire her and I submitted the re-training paperwork in September 2014. Class begins on March 8 and I will be staying on campus until the 21^{st. I am in the accelerated training program and will have 2/1 instruction. O}nce home, I will receive one on one instruction for 5 days of home instruction. I don’t think I’ll need five days of home follow-up but I’m glad it’s there for me if I need it.

Will I get a male or female, black or yellow? Don’t know yet but I’m thinking a lot about it and wonder if my witchy intuition will allow me a peek at the possibilities, maybe in a dream or premonition? Hmmm, never know. All I know right now is that I am looking forward to it and know I’ve done right by my loving, loyal, sweet girl, Verona.

Mood Swing

December 20, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs writing

The past few weeks have been a lesson in the 3 P’s: Patience, Perseverance and Practice. It all started with the frustratingly bad news that I did not pass my marriage and family therapy licensing exam for the second time. I lost a point, in fact and only got a 70 with passing scored at 75. I cried for two days, berating myself for being smart enough to obtain a master’s degree with a 3.6 GPA but not smart enough to pass the exam.

Next, I learned that I am going into the March 2015 training class at Guiding Eyes for my second dog. Verona is retiring on Valentine’s Day next year. This is a difficult process and I hope I can bond and make it through training like I did the first time. I know I can definitely do it, I’m just thinking ahead to second dog syndrome, the what ifs, and the possibility that the match may not work out, as some inevitably do. Being part of the guide dog world, I have heard all the horror stories and I am praying the bad luck doesn’t get me.

Finally, my mom has been in the hospital and not being able to visit her and be there physically to support Mom and my other sister, Lauri, has been hell on me and my sister, Cheryll. We do what we can but not being able to do more than make phone calls has been a downer for me.

So, the reason for calling this post Mood Swing is attributed to these things. Add in the stress of the holidays and there you have it, the up and downs of life.

Yes, This is Really Happening

November 1, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs writing

Life after 50 has revealed milestones I never thought would ever come to pass. Imagining some of the less mundane things coming to pass include looking forward to celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next year and celebrating four years as a trauma counselor. Not being a social security disability recipient thanks to the salary I now earn at my job is also something I never thought would happen. My children are grown and my youngest will soon be living on her own.

2015 will also be the year I train with a successor dog. Verona is retiring and is now on a modified work schedule. She’s still choosing to harness up but sometimes it’s a very slow walk to get dressed. I can’t help thinking of my friends, other handlers, who have abrupt separations from dogs who quit the job due to stress, illness or death and my heart goes out to them. At the same time, I am fortunate to experience a slower, less traumatic retirement process with my first dog guide. Six years is a good working life. I wish it were longer, but the gray beginning to take over Verona’s chin and lips is proof she deserves some R&R. There are days she is distracted and slow, making clearance errors and I think, am I doing the right thing by still working her? Then she turns us away from an oncoming car or speeding bicyclist running the light and I think, maybe I shouldn’t retire her so soon. Then, the very next day, she walks like a turtle and stops short at curbs, stumbles down the bus steps, and I am back to thinking retiring her is the right thing to do, but when?

This is the torture I have been putting myself through all these months and I still don’t know when, exactly, to hand in her harness to Guiding Eyes. Just thinking about it makes my eyes tear up. This is a dog that has stolen my heart, which has included me in her realm of canine reasoning and makes decisions to clear me along with herself when in danger or when avoiding obstacles. This is a dog that becomes a serious worker when the harness goes on and silly happy pants when the harness is removed. This is a dog that has a natural ability to empathize with my clients and also sense when not to interrupt. How am I going to allow another dog the same level of trust? How will this new dog prove themselves to me? Will this new dog fit into the counseling Milieu like Verona? The most troubling piece of this entire conundrum is, will I be able to do it and how will I know if it isn’t working?

I know this kind of thinking and feeling is normal, I have spoken to other handlers about transferring these elements of a canine/human bond. One person told me she felt guilty going back for another dog. Another person only went back when the previous dog finally died, saying he was obligated, in his mind, to return the dog’s loyalty by letting the dog live out its life for the many years of loyalty and work without compromising it with yet another dog. One of my best friends has reminded me that when we walk into a guide dog school and put the harness handle in our hands, we are making the decision to accept the risk of the emotional attachment and consequences of the attachment along with the increased freedom a dog provides. I identify with all of these perspectives, feeling them at different points, depending on what level Verona is working, or not and how vulnerable I am feeling.

I wish it were simple, well, maybe not simple, but clearer. I will do what is best for my dog. If it means dealing with emotions that stir me up, that is something I will deal with as it comes. I will keep on traversing this evolution of sorts and rely upon one thing: knowing that thousands of other dog guide users and service dog handlers have gone before me and have been successful in transitioning to a new dog. Change is hard and I’m going to use all my 50 years of coping skills and resilient thinking to get through it. This is the challenge for 2015 and I am hoping to be successful but I wonder and have my doubts. I just heard from the admissions department and my class date is tentatively scheduled for April 2015. So, I have five months to work through this.

Brushing Up

August 27, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs

Brushing up

By Ann Chiappetta

This post is a follow up to the last post I made called Hard Decision. Let me say right now that I feel immensely blessed to have the dog guide handler community beside me while I experience this transition. Only handlers know what other handlers go through and I have so many wonderfully empathetic folks ready to support me – it really is amazing and humbling.

This post is about the little things, the things that come into play for when preparing to let the retiring dog assume a new role and the new dog move in beside you.

For instance, I wonder how it will be with three dogs in the house. How will my older rescue dog, Nikka, take this intrusion? She was a bit unwelcoming when Verona came home with me, so I have to be prepared to make the same accommodations with the new dog, too.

Then there’s making sure Verona and I can work together for as long as possible until a new dog is identified for me. I hear Tom Petty sing’ the waiting is the hardest part’ when I think of the months that will have to go by before I get the call.

I also have, it seems, a new problem with how I hold the harness handle, and have transitioned to a canted handle, not quite an ergonomic one, only a mild angle. It feels so much better on my wrist and shoulder. Verona has been a good girl throughout all the equipment switches and I sometimes get to wishing she would last forever – then I get impatient with how slow she is and how unwilling she is to take on new routes and I know that retiring her is the best thing for both of us. She once was enthusiastic and looked forward to new routes and new routines, but now, well, while she is still eager to please, she often balks when we go out of her comfort zone. This is probably the most frustrating for me, as I do different things depending on the time of year and my volunteer responsibilities. I may not venture into New York City often, maybe 3 times a year, but when I do, I rely on her skills to get us around safely and with little stress or trouble. After all, I know how to travel in metropolitan areas; I just don’t want to live in them,J.

Thanks to Guiding Eyes, we now have another harness, number 3, and it floats above her body and has a little upward bend that eases the tension on my wrist. I think this will get us by for the next 6 months or so.

Guiding Eyes has a modified program called the action program where a person can combine campus training and then follow up with home training. This is my plan, as I will require less time on campus due to limited vacation and leave hours at the job. While I love staying on campus, I know that the three week program just isn’t realistic for me and I am happy that this program is available to me as a student being trained with a successor dog.

Well, I’ll post this and get the next bunch of updates ready for next time.

Hard Decision

August 10, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs

Hard Decision

I have come to the decision to retire Verona next year. She will be 9 by then and I think she will be ready. So, unless some other problem presents itself, we will finish up with traveling next July and I will hang up her harness. At least, that’s the plan. I want to do what’s best for her and I think a gentle withdrawal from being my guide is best for both of us. I’ve put in my retraining application. While I still want my guide dog school to visit, evaluate and plan her retirement with me, I know what’s coming. The small signs of stress, her hesitation down stairs, a much slower pace and less stamina are all signs of aging. I don’t want her to work herself into stress-induced illness. We’ll go slowly and when the time is right, it will happen.

I also don’t want to be without a dog for too long or train in the winter if it can be helped. While I am intrepid about the cold, my asthma was very bad last year in the colder temperatures and even the extra meds didn’t help very much. It’s a funny thing, this breathing problem. I am fine when exercising in the gym but when walking outside up hills or in temperatures below 40, I feel it. I will let the instructors know about my new limitations and hope for the best in terms of class dates. I would love a September or October class.

Until then, we will walk around White Plains, travel, and spend time at the lake and with family and friends whenever possible. Verona is a careful and sensitive dog, a great dog for a first timer like me. I can control her with just a command and hand gesture. She is a wonderful guide, her work is excellent, and she steps up to the challenges whenever I need her to, even if they present difficulties. I’ve also learned how to travel more confidently because of her gentle and steady pace. I can, however, move much faster now and have overcome many of my dog handling foibles. too. I’ve learned even more about dog husbandry and training because of working with a guide dog. She’s helped me understand what drives the canine mind to strive to please a human partner. The best part is that through Verona, I’ve learned to be a better person.

What do I mean, one might ask. I’ll do my best to try to explain it. Before being matched with a dog guide, there were some behaviors and negative thinking I learned while gradually losing my vision. I would give in to my insecurities and limit myself. I did not venture out at night due to disorientation and night blindness. I avoided places with a lot of steps or challenging architecture because while I was a proficient cane user, I lacked the confidence in myself to believe I could figure things out if lost or stuck.

Don’t get me wrong, I raised my kids, went to graduate school, vacationed and achieved many other things with a white cane. When I was exposed to traveling with a handle in my hand, the sense of freedom was incredible.

It was the change of perception that helped me improve the inner sense of myself as a whole. I held my head up and didn’t slump my shoulders, I not only looked confident but I felt it deep inside.

This is what I was meant to do, I thought, while on my first solo trip with Verona. All the years of loving and living with my pet dogs has culminated in something much more meaningful.

One surprising thing has happened; I know that the next dog will be faster and pull a bit more. It’s not that I’ve outgrown the sedate and gentle pace and pull, it’s more like transitioning from double to single bladed skates.

For now, though, we’ll continue being a team. Just the other day we came in from getting lunch and I said that I wished I could have someone video us when we traverse an especially troublesome challenge like on that day.

We were going to a familiar intersection and she stopped about ten feet from the corner. I said forward, she didn’t budge. I listened and off to the right, heard construction, sounds of shovels scooping cement, etc. I asked someone if there was construction and a man stopped, saying, yes, they had the whole corner roped off and people were crossing the street from further up. I asked him to show us where we could cross safely and he did. He then told me that the opposite corner was also being blocked and said there was a wooden ramp in place. We crossed and he let me know Verona was indeed targeting the ramp and then we were back onto the sidewalk. I thanked the man and we went to the deli for lunch. On the way back, we did the reverse and that was when I told my coworkers that I wished for a video camera.

I want folks to know how much our dogs do for us in the line of duty. After all this time, it is still amazing to me.

Even so, I just can’t get my mind to accept that another dog will one day be at my side. I’ll have to work on that thought. In any case, below is an ad, if I were to put in my application as a retrain with my guide dog school.

Situation Wanted

A 50 something white female who just happens to be blind is seeking a highly motivated working dog. If you are a Labrador retriever and are willing to work with me, please read the job requirements. Only serious applicants need apply.

Females preferred but will consider a male if all other character and personality traits are met.
Height and weight not important as long as you can do the job. Color: no preference.
I am a moderate but steady walker, travel in all modes of transportation, usually in taxis, loud, para transit vehicles or public buses. I also fly at least once a year and commute by passenger train twice yearly to other busy, crowded events. I stay in hotels and motels. I visit cities and live in the suburbs and spend summers by the lake. This means my new partner must be versatile and ready for action, depending on my busy schedule.
I will require my new partner to be ready to go from the office to new locations with care and attention. My new partner must be able to settle down and quietly observe or ignore other humans during office hours and also be empathetic and willing to offer some comfort therapy to my human clientele if needed. My new partner must be willing to allow kids of all ages to touch and pet them for disability awareness presentations. Applicants with a penchant for the camera is a plus.
My new partner must be experienced in offering a kind and gentle nose to other furry critters including cats and guinea pigs and other dogs as well as children. You will be filling the paws of my current partner, who will be retiring soon. She is an amazing worker, friend, and has been part of this community for many years and is loved by all, human and furry.
If you have read these requirements and feel that you have the right combination of breed, personality, manners, strength, adaptability, affection, drive, and possess intelligent disobedience skills, and wish to work with a human who will trust and love you the best she can, please send your contact information to Ann Chiappetta, Care of: Guiding Eyes for the Blind 611 Granite springs Road, Yorktown Heights, N.Y.

new poem

June 29, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs Poem

Lost Keys

By Ann Chiappetta

Jagged

little metal Alloy trinkets

open tumblers

Strung together on rings, tied

To thongs or clipped to lanyards

Brass or silver toned

taste like cold blood

When clamped between lips and teeth

While Struggling to open the door

After Marathon shopping sprees

One might surmise keys are replaceable — after all

What is a locksmith for?

hand slips into pocket

fingering objects

touching the stories

Represented in physical sentiment’s

A pewter policeman’s hat, a plastic starfish

A silver dog bone

If someone else found these keys, would they know? Would

They understand the life

The symbolism

The unrevealed memories

Of a charm for a father

Or a mother, gone

and the bone

Signifying the bond and love

for a guide dog?

Just trinkets

inserted into slots

And forever remembered with each turn

The opening of a door

into a heart.

2014

Busy Side walks, Blocked Cross Walks

June 6, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs writing

Another awe-inspiring day with Verona in White Plains New York. We went to the bank and got lunch and were crossing Main and Court streets. Verona began pulling me left, . I felt a person pass me on the right and thought she veered for the person, but then she slowed down and stopped a few feet from the curb. I put out a hand and connected with a huge panel truck blocking the entire cross walk. We were stuck, or so I thought. I said forward and we trailed the truck, found the end, and waited for the traffic to clear, then went around it to the curb. When we got on the sidewalk, I praised her to the moon, not caring a whit that we blocked the foot traffic while doing it. Thank you, my sweet girl, for keeping us safe and being such a good dog.

I did try to find the driver so I could tell him how thoughtless blocking the cross walk was, not to mention getting caught meant a fat ticket by the city police but cops are never around when you need them, sigh.

On another note, I must have looked like a local freak, standing next to the offending vehicle and shouting, “Where is the driver of this truck? Hello? Is anyone there?”

I was, undoubtedly, in a phase of side walk rage and also didn’t give two shits who saw me. I wanted to give that driver a piece of my mind but had to give up and return to work. Grrr. Thank goodness it’s Friday.

Guiding Eyes Graduate Council 2014

May 31, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs writing

Verona and I on a bench outside

2014 Graduate Council – group shot

Graduate Council Retreat 2014

It is with a bitter sweet heart that I write this post. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t mope around over the fact that I have cycled off the Guiding Eyes Graduate Council. I’ve done my term and stepping down to allow others to benefit from a position in the council isn’t what I’m sad about. I’m sad because the song is over and the dance hall has turned up the lights and I’ve got to return to the tasks I had put aside while working on the council. It’s always sad and a bit disjointed when change occurs, when the routine and expectations diverge. I’ll be working with Guiding Eyes, just in another capacity – the path ahead is still full of wonderful and enriching opportunities, for sure.

But before I do that, I want to say that the folks, who were chosen to serve on the Graduate Council, or the GC, are all talented, dedicated and willing to promote our School, Canine Development Center, our programs, and our splendid dogs and the people who provide everything for them so we can live and work more independently. I’ve met such caring, loving, and genuine people in the council and at Guiding Eyes. It is a community, an extended family, a safe and gratifying place to come to and I can’t say enough about it.

Okay, so what, exactly, did the GC teach me? Or, more aptly, what did I take away from the three years I served? I learned I am an effective leader, I can stand tall, tell my story and that it matters to others. I learned that my affection for the human canine bond runs deep, as deep as the love I hold for my husband and children. I learned that I can go anywhere I choose because of the enhanced mobility provided by my dog guide.

The GC gave me the opportunity to spread my wings and explore what I feel most passionate about; moving on also means moving onto other roles that will assist the efforts of Guiding Eyes and the overall perception of disability and blindness. Making a difference is motivating, gratifying and meaningful. This is the most vital lesson for me.

Some of the highlights of the two-day retreat were compiled in no order, so here goes nothing:

The fried chicken and mac & cheese dinner the first night – OMG!
Reuniting with old friends and making new ones.
The Assistance Dogs International award given to the Canine Development Center’s guru and resident expert in the canine genome , Jane Russenberger
Meeting the two 8 week old black lab puppies, Wendy and Wilkie.
Being provided with a chance to interact and provide input and dialogue with the new CEO, Tom Panec.
Hanging out with the training staff, getting equipment checks, training and veterinary updates, and take home goodies.
Sharing thoughts with Sue Dishart and the development department and knowing our thoughts are heard and that our suggestions are valued and help shape decisions on the branding and promotion of Guiding Eyes.
Getting an hour in the community Planet Dog run, thanks to the training staff. What a hoot!I’ll close this post by imparting my most heart felt thanks for being chosen to serve, as well as wishing the new GC officers and members a successful and meaningful term on the Graduate Council.

Dog and God

May 24, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs

Evangelized, Again

I was going to my favorite deli to get a chicken wrap and a man starts walking with me.

He asked if he could speak to me and I said yes, as long as he doesn’t distract my dog while she’s working. He agreed, and then spoke,

“Do you believe in the gift of the Lord?”

Here we go again; the do-gooder wants to heal the blind person. This isn’t the first time an evangelizer has taken it upon themselves to pray over me or on my behalf to call down the Holy Ghost to heal my affliction. I smiled and we walked down the block together. I figure, if this man has courage enough to walk with a complete stranger and evangelize, then I can go along with it. I didn’t say to him that I believe that all gods are one. That kind of unorthodox thinking can be confusing. I strolled along and just listened to his professions of faith and didn’t feel as if he pitied me. On the contrary, I just went with it.

We recited a prayer, I said a hearty AMEN. Then, he says, “I pray that today you will be healed and your blindness lifted.”

I stopped at the curb, my dog guide doing her job and ignoring him. I touched his arm and said,

“My friend, God gave me something better than my vision; he gave me the ability to see without my eyes.”

He was quiet for a moment, then quickly said goodbye. I was relieved he didn’t say any more about waking up to a miracle and being able to see. Sure, I hope for it each and every day but I sure don’t let it interfere with my life. I am a successful person. I am loved and I show love. I know that my fellow human beings respect my desire to just be me. My disability is, at times, a barrier. Most of the time, though, it’s just another minor thing to deal with in life. Most folks respect that and work with me to offer help and support. This man will hopefully remember our encounter and not think of blind folks as less than, or needing their affliction healed to be whole and loved.

It was a nice day and I was still looking forward to that chicken wrap.

I tapped the edge of the curb with my toe and told Verona, “Forward,”” and we proceeded across the street to the deli.

Now that I am reflecting and writing about this, I realize that I was referring not just to the accumulated personal insight and counseling skills I’ve achieved, along with good fortune and success, but also to Verona, who guided me expertly down that busy block while some stranger strode beside us. God=DOG

Another Great Time

April 27, 2014 | Filed under Guide dogs

The Speaker’s Bureau

By Ann Chiappetta

A few months ago I received an email from guiding Eyes regarding a speaking engagement. It was the second referral since the first one almost two years ago. At that time I conducted a blindness awareness class for high schoolers preparing to host a dinner in the dark event at their local synagogue. It was fun and rewarding. I finally understood how hard it is for someone to put on my shoes, being blindfolded and asked to navigate down a hallway with a white cane with only five minutes of instruction. The experience opened their eyes for those who couldn’t see.

This was a little bit different. After speaking with the teachers who were coordinating the event, called Justice for All, I began collecting my information. I would be presenting in four classes. The subject was blindness and access refusal with my dog guide. The hand out I submitted referenced the ADA, what civil rights are and what laws entitle people with disabilities to live, work and thrive in our society. I spoke of being refused rides by taxis, being told that my dog wasn’t allowed inside an amusement park, and once at a conference was asked to leave my dog outside the meeting room because someone was allergic to dogs.

What felt great was being able to talk about my disability and how long it took to learn the coping tools in order to go on with my life. I told them I was a success story and many blind people aren’t as lucky for many reasons. I spoke of what being a dog guide handler means that we are a minority among the blind and this is because choosing to bond and work with a dog is both rewarding and challenging, especially when it comes time to retire a dog.

The 6, 7, and 8^th graders asked questions that were thoughtful and curious. The teachers were friendly and we got along great. What I was most impressed with was how the school, generally, already knew all about guide dog etiquette. This helped me relax and be less concerned with fending off well meaning but petting-impulsive folks. J Verona did a magnificent job guiding me through the crowded halls and cafeteria tables during lunch. My dog is a great example of a mature and confident dog guide, thanks to Guiding Eyes.

While Verona has a few years yet, I am mindful that my time will come and I’m hoping that my coping skills, support from Guiding Eyes, other handlers, and my family will get me through it.

A great friend and fellow handler reminded me once when the topic of retiring our dogs was mentioned, he said,

“This is what we signed up for when we put in our application. We have to take the good and the bad.”

Until then, Verona and I will continue spreading the word for our School and its programs with help from the Guiding Eyes Speakers Bureau.